Rambo: First Blood Part II exploded into cinemas in the summer of ’85 and don’t think our pals across the Pacific weren’t taking notes. Soon enough, the arcades were blipping and buzzing with a new litter of baby binary-John Rambos.


And now, send in the clones...

Ikari Warriors (1986)


SNK didn’t try to hide their Rambo-roots here, it was called “Rambo: Ikari no Dasshutsu” in Japan. Ikari Warriors followed two of Stallone’s split-zygote clones as they machine-gunned a path to the village of Ikari. The inane sequel found the duo “caught in a time warp, hurled thousands of years into the future” where they had to save the land of “Alexia Lomta” from “Zang Zip.” I did not make this up.

Play it!

Secret Commando (1986)


When Sega ported their Commando-clone Ashura to European shores, gone were the gi-clad Eastern protagonists, in were these First Blood Brothers. Ashura and Bishamon were such dead ringers, that when they acquired the American rights to the Rambo-license, Sega just switched out the title screen.

Contra (1987)


The game took place in the distant future (September 12th, 2631, to be exact) in New Zealand of all places. Here, blondie Bill and his brunette buddy Lance were Earth’s last hope in the face of alien intruder Red Falcon and his minions. It became a bigger hit when it was ported to the NES and introduced ‘Up-Up-Down-Down-Left-Right-Left-Right-B-A-START’ to the pop-cultural landscape.

Play it!

P.O.W.: Prisoners of War (1988)


SNK’s next grab at the Rambo-gold starred second-generation Ikari clones Bart and Snake of Army Special Forces Unit "M.” Their Mission: infiltrate the “subversive organization” GOON. In case you’re wondering, GOON stands for “Government of Offensive Network.” In case you’re wondering just what “Government of Offensive Network” means exactly... well, let’s just say your guess is as good as mine.

Play it!

Bloody Wolf/Battle Rangers (1988)


Another Snake, who with his bald-pated brother-in-arms Eagle are tasked by a Trautman-esque Colonel to “rescue kidnapped president alive.” Data East went so as far as to actually include a painted likeness of Sly (and curiously enough, Arnold) on its flyer. Bloody Wolf would become a minor MEME due its hilariously mangled mistranslation. Sample line: “You! Invaders! Get you the hot bullets of shotgun to die!”


Images shamelessly pilfered from Moby Games

The Warners people obviously had big plans for Marion “Cobra” Cobretti in summer of ’86 . Thinking the kiddies would take Cobretti to heart as they had with Rocky and Rambo, they struck a licensing deal with the good folks at Manchester, England-based Ocean Software Ltd.
This wasn’t the first time Sly was digitized, he had previously appeared in Rocky Super Action Boxing (1983, ColecoVision) and Rambo (1985, MSX). If the quality of those offerings is any indicator, well, you should know what you’re in for with Cobra.


Marion begins his high-octane Commodore 64 adventure in the mean, pixelated streets of LA where he’s in hot pursuit of his main chick, Ingrid. Frustration sets in early as we realize Cobra is not the finely-tuned killing machine he was in the film...

Our boy’s got a four-pronged arsenal of grenades, a knife, a pistol, and his signature laser-sighted machine-gun. Problem is, when the dude steers like an Edsel stuck in Mississippi mud, the entire Fort Bragg weapons locker couldn’t help you out. Hence, a lot of the game consists of watching your “Burgometer” dissipate into crumbs as you're continually bested by even the lowliest New World thugs.


What’s a Burgometer you ask? Well, Marion’s health is represented by a cheeseburger, yes, a cheeseburger which slowly fragments as he takes damage. When your cheeseburger’s all gone, so are you. That’s probably the most unique element of this vessel-bursting Rush'n Attack knock-off.

If you have the patience to endure Cobra’s three frustrating levels, you’ll come face-to-face with the dreaded Night Slasher himself. If you’re like most, I’d advise you consult your manual:

Steven Seagal never had his own video game. Arnie had a bunch. So did Sly. Hell, even Van Damme had a couple. So in 1994, the good people over at TecMagik sought to change all that.

The game was The Final Option and it was going to break right on the heels of Steve’s big directorial debut, On Deadly Ground. Alas, it wavered in development hell for quite some time and TecMagik, either having lost interest or funding, turned their attentions to Deadly Honor, a new title they were developing for N64 and PlayStation (which was also canceled).

Eventually somebody over there at the now-defunct TecMagik decided to dump the unripened fruits of their labors into a ROM and circulate it around the Internet for all to enjoy ... although ‘enjoy’ might not be the most appropriate word here.

The game starts you right in the thick of the action - Steven has infiltrated “Nanotech’s Underground Munitions Depot.” What are the objectives of Mr. Seagal’s mission? We’re not really sure. What is Nanotech? It’s unclear, but it’s obvious this corporation is up to some unconscionable evil because we can see human bones amassed within the dungeonesque walls of their “Underground Storage Facility.”

Anyway, Steven is instantly beset by what look to be phone technicians and lab chemists provoked to violence by his mere presence. What’s the Master of Aikido to do? Awkwardly flail at his attackers, apparently, for Steven moves with the grace of an intoxicated Emperor Penguin.

The big gimmick here is that the game uses actual digitized film footage of Seagal himself (Steve, is that really you?) - but the muddy effect here is more Pit Fighter than Mortal Kombat. Combat is a bore. Steve can punch, kick, block, shoot and throw knives. There’s also a bit of ham-handedly implemented platforming. True to form, the jumping controls are dicey and more often than not, you’ll be treated to Steven’s hysterical munchkin-like scream as he plummets to his death.

The levels are labyrinthine and with no clear objectives you’ll find yourself blindly fumbling along until through mere coincidence you ‘pick up the right thing’ or ‘push the right panel’ to complete the level. There were allegedly a total of six completed stages in the game - culminating in a final showdown at the “Nuclear Fusion Facility.” I made it to the second stage before I hit the proverbial brick wall.


The Final Option's cancellation was probably for the best - On Deadly Ground was enough of a smack-to-the-face of Seagal fans for one year. It would also seem that it would be Steve's last shot at pixelated glory - fifteen years have passed and the pony-tailed one still remains video gameless. Developers, if you’re listening: I’m sure you can buy the rights to The Glimmer Man reeaaallll cheap.