You may have missed it but last year, but the good people at Sony Pictures Home Entertainment blessed us with another entry in the venerable Universal Soldier series. Promisingly, this one re-teamed original stars Van Damme and Lundgren in what promised to be a real return to form for the sagging franchise. And while Universal Soldier: Regeneration is not what one might call a failure, it’s not quite the slam-bang action thriller we all probably wanted.

Unfortunately most of the movie belongs to stone-faced UFC pit-dog Andrei Arlovski. Saggy-eyed Van Damme looks like he’s been swallowing pharmaceutical-quality Quaaludes as he sleepwalks throughout his scenes – in fact, he wrapped up his portion of the film in a hasty 20 days.

Probably the biggest insult is that Herr Dolph has been hastily shoehorned in for what amounts to a glorified cameo. Lundgren occupies the screen for all of ten minutes. His appearance is completely illogical, save to stick his Nordic mug on the DVD cover. If you feel cheated, you’ve every right to - although his super grisly death scene is pretty memorable.

Alas, saint that I am, the Actioneer has already presented it to you in all its glory.

Move on, kids…nothing else to see here.