Like a porcupine fucking a basketball, Samurai Cop must be seen to be believed. From the editing to acting, it's a pastiche of all varieties of cinematic incompetency. Little wonder it rendered lead Matt Hannon's career stillborn.

The film oozes sexual innuendo from front to back. No situation is too bizarre for some sort of ribald exchange. Often these come out of nowhere. As in this case, where a nurse - apparently finding it impossible to resist Hannon's smokey eyes and cascading hair - engages in some wildly unprofessional crotch grabbing. I smell a lawsuit.

Prepare to be enraptured, kiddies - the Expendables hath returned - and to sweeten the deal, Sly has crammed Norris and JCVD in his sparklin' new action package. Oh yeah, he's also brought "Hemsworth" along for the ride. No, not the one you sorta liked in Thor, but the one who melted your heart in Miley Cyrus' coming-of-age critical darling, The Last Song.

This time, Santa Fe Film Critics Circle-award winner Simon West is at the helm. Can he re-capture that Con Air magic of yore? We'll find out third financial quarter, next year.