No doubt by now you are wondering as to my sudden lapse in communications. Truth be told, I have been hired on special assignment by the Ugandan government to eradicate a local warlord. I subsist on a diet of millet, groundnuts and when lucky - goat meat. The people here are peaceful and warm-hearted. They hold strong to truth, freedom, justice and the other tenets upon which which our forefathers built our Great Nation. For reasons of security and personal safety I cannot reveal my exact location but know this - I think of you daily, my Actionettes, and when next I have a VCR and computer handy I will continue my chronicle of this great and terrible thing we call the Actionverse. Until then...

The Movie: No Dead Heroes (1986)
The Perp: Harry Cotter (John Dresden)
The Victims: The Cotter Family

Yes, and it doesn't get much worse than this. No Dead Heroes was a bargain basement Filipino cheapie produced during the height of the Cold War Era. Its plot, such as it was, involved an US Army lieutenant kidnapped by the KGB, implanted with a mind-controlling microchip and set forth on a mission to assassinate the Pope.

In this charming scene, KGB officer Ivan has sent Lieutenant Harry on a little test run. Now this 'test run,' a product of the deviant and twisted Soviet hive-mind, involves having the hapless drone wipe out his whole family. Oh, those Reds!

The film is rife with horrendous dubbing and even worse acting. Just witness, these people can't even die convincingly...